mindful Mama exist? And if she does, how does she stay in the moment of all things Mom? Is she so zen that her kids run a muck and she just lets it go? Or can a mindful Mom only exist if she gets luxurie
s such as a house cleaner, chef, personal trainer, and nanny? (Clearly I'm dreaming!)
After having my second child 18 months after my first, I experienced an adjustment period that no one could have prepared me for. While I do identify on 'the crunchier side' of things and believe in many attachment parenting principles, the adjustment to two kids really knocked me out. To cope with what seemed to be endless hours of breastfeeding, lack of sleep, developing toddler demands, and household duties, my reactions as a mother hit a low point. In the middle of night, after be woken for the 9nth time one evening, I had my biggest Mom-sized meltdown yet. I ripped the covers off of me, screamed 'I quit!' and walked myself to the couch to get 2 mins of rest before I realized that only I could soothe both my crying newborn and toddler, and if I wanted my circumstances to change, I had to change my reactions to them.
So much of early motherhood is out of my own control. Instead of realizing that, I internalized it, took it personally, and screamed as an attempt to break out of my newly titled 'Mom of two' role. I resented my husband for not being a more pro-active night time parent even though there was little he could actually do to help. I got angry with my children for not sleeping and starting my day off in a stressful way. I wanted to break out of my Mom box, but there was no where for me to go.
Screaming and wanting to punch a wall didn't hel
p. It only brought more stress and kept the hectic energy in my home more hectic. It is all energy after all and once we begin to spiral, it all comes spiraling with us.
I decided to take some time to just think about becoming a more mindful mom. To wonder what does that mean and how I could control my own self when I felt the stress of my duties were becoming too much. There are so many moments of my life with young kids that I want to freeze time for a remember forever. But then there are those moment
s that I want to run from, but I have no where to go. That trapped feeling is suffocating as you look around and see the eyes of your children who depend on you.
Being a more mindful mom doesn't mean that instantly I'm calm and the chaos around no longer bothers me. Being mindful as a mom is a practice I've started to bring me back to a more centered state when my emotions and reactions get out of control. I simply try my best to remember to breathe. To look and feel the tenseness in my jaw when things start to rumble out of my control or both kids hav
e completely lost it in the back seat of the car. Being mindful is a reminder to breathe and let my tension go. It's a reminder to try to stay focused on my priorities (my children and my sanity) as I navigate through this once in a lifetime period of life.
These moments don't last forever. The good and the bad present themselves and then they are gone. I can't control the moment, but I can work to control myself in it.